Communication is a vital part of any relationship. It allows you to understand each other better, leading to a happier and healthier union. Even if you mean well, however, it can be difficult to improve if you don’t know where to start. Laurie Burns LCSW-R CGP is a relationship counselor serving couples in Rochester, NY, and has shared some of the tips she gives her clients for better communication.  

A Relationship Counselor’s Guide to Better Talks With Your Partner

1. Clarify Their Words

Even if you are trying to be more mindful and improve your communication, misunderstandings can lead to conflict. If your spouse says something, don’t assume you know what they’re trying to say. Mirror them by saying, “Am I right in thinking what you’re saying is…” and repeat their comment in your own words. You can confirm you two are on the same page and provide them with the opportunity to clarify if needed.

2. Practice Real Listening

There’s a difference between hearing what someone says and really listening. It can be easy during a conversation or argument to think about what you are going to say next, drift off, or focus on something else you’re doing. Instead of letting your mind wander, concentrate completely on what your spouse is saying. Remove all distractions when you talk, such as turning off the television or pausing the task you’re in the middle of doing.

3. Remember Cooperation

When you and your spouse disagree, it’s important to remember it’s not you versus them. It’s the two of you versus the problem. Hold a conversation with the goal of working out a solution everyone benefits from. If you start getting upset, don’t be afraid to take a break while you calm down. Saying things in anger or yelling will only hurt the other person.

Couples counseling is the perfect place to improve your communication with your spouse and work through problems with a neutral third party to guide you through the conversation. Call your relationship counselor, Laurie Burns LCSW-R CGP, at (585) 734-6826 to schedule an appointment. She has worked as a licensed professional counselor for more than 20 years and will help you have an open, fulfilling relationship.